nth & x’th day

day 9

K is full of film
spooling inside her,
red bulb in dark room
pictures appear
a time, a street, a motel,
built then gone
long before she was born

tespu tells me
“her soul moves from body to body”
(Mara, Marian, Daphne, Nicole)
(she’s faithful from age to age, just like her master)

“she’s a model for your myth”
my maiden, my fuck toy, my witch
“the ‘her’ you die for and live with”

I too have moved
from body to body
(Jhon, gHos_haus, Monroe, Lore)

we are DNA strands intertwined, two changing stars in a fabled Armageddon

the blind one is taking photos of me
(to show me my histories, my forms)
the blind one is taking photos of tespu
(to show us his passage, his norms)
Kae keeps these copies
warm in her body.
Letting them grow, letting them fester, letting them fathom.

day 10

Theology of the blind one of many doors (partial)

only the young one knows a little of the blind one,
but tespu knows all, for they are all of tespu,
the all in this room is not the all of the larger house
And there are many more houses still, crouching on the unknown street, ever changing
Sometimes with two doors, sometimes with none
Sometimes a building, sometimes a hut, sometimes a bunker, sometimes a skyscraper
appearing, disappearing from the neighbourhood

Oh mysterious neighbourhood
where ghos_haus stands, that magick shop, corrupted by the outer echelons of slutter gutt, steaming in the red light districts of ATON, calling our souls to erotic nest
into the city, the wombs of night, to which the outher ones belong
they, who are mere organs in the body where cities converge
The cities a mass of flesh and glass and stone and volcanic ashes
Body next to body in the room which is a land, stretched and curled and handcuffed and fornicating
Sea fucking sky fucking space fucking Sheol

Pillars of lightning and fire
spearheading the spreadeagled superblackhole
one of many in the tomb full of tombs, in an underworld full of other worlds
the upper worlds
the current worlds
Inside the greater world that’s outside the outer world bound by the utter world
as
one thread in a legion of realities
Spun like rays of light from a disco ball, in a ball room where the blind one and the young one dance to the music of the luminous void

day6-day8

day 6

three theologies of sand
I
‘the ark’
remember the monolith
alien and nocturne
marooned and colliding near the shore
long before the suez
the breath that touched me at the beach
II
‘the 100th day’
children playing in the sun
splashing in the sea
my heart breaks with pain and freedom
my heart mends with freedom from pain
I’m with mother near the shore
III
‘post-resurrection’
where did the sand come from?
pooled next to the head of mothers’ bed
I cannot explain its presence
I only remember the threads
connecting dream to room to reverie


the seventh day
starts off in a lab with fish tanks
popcorn chicken pieces wriggling like new born mice in my hands
quickly, they turn into curled hamsters
ferocious, anxious, leaping from my palms
I bend to their higher worlds
scoop them up from a nest of twigs

I’m out on green fields
hamsters turn into dogs that run to me
‘like long awaited lovers’
“They’ve grown longer, better furred” tespu says
“Is this your sign of return?” I ask him. He does not respond.
he turns into a chattering Eurasian woman
who sees, as I see,
the cocker spaniel, ready to poop

the woman has wrapped the two dogs up like burritos
(Or in a cheesy way without cheese, ‘hot dogs’)
and because of her faith, or responsibility
She packs up the poop in microwavable foil.

she hands me all three burritos in a bag.
the creatures break free from the wrap
they spill out as roasted chicken meat onto the floor
the cocker spaniel has turned into a chicken wing, mostly deboned
the meat wriggles on concrete
maybe I’m to eat them
like some strange sacrament
‘this is my body, this is my dog’


day 8

the mistaken union (previously unreleased)
there is no matrimony between us
we are incursions and errors
wrong codes for the right line


I am not your waters of life
you are not my fabled shore
I am not your host
you are not my parasite
we are on a bridge above the world
Impotent impostors in the place of creation
you shall not be graven, I shall not be grave
we were simply, falsely labelled as exits

but see, the black door is half open
you can enter its gate or leave the room
your river is already given
follow my gaze, but not into this soul
It is not yet primed for your kingdom

watch for the light that I see far away
follow with courage, do not be afraid,
another king shall guide you, for I cannot give you rest

day5

the mystery of k.kawaii (alt take)
the soft world, cools her, holds her when it breathes
burning strands of tobacco sizzles on her skin
her heart is a glare of television night
her hand will reveal the end signs, shot on large format cameras
these archetypes are not her archetypes
she is not born for those times
but those times will conceive her
in motel rooms, in a cave, on a ship, near a tomb
her mouth opens for a lighthouse, her hair longs for the highways,
her sounded bends to the constructs in the east
“there are mourners beneath the tree of tespu, on his mountains, children will play”
the soft world pushes her out to sea
and like schools of fish, drowned tuxedoes follow
there are bridal showers behind her eyes
there are glowing drifts of tobacco leaves, touching black paint on her lips
she does not want to remember the film
but the film is an infant that feeds her

day4


“the tomb is on a ship, the ship is in a cave, the cave is a signal, the signal is a figment of tespu” – lord anon
Kawaii from Korea is crying on the ancient bed
“mother…father…”
the wolf-dog is comforting her, head on her lap,
“she is mourning the complex”the blind one said
I’m rolling a cigarette, heart broken by the sobbing sounds
“madre…fadre…”
“Ït’s ok” the blind one says softly. “they are now timeless, in a monochrome hotel, dancing to old songs they loved.”

She is becoming younger in her grief. I did not expect her to carry this pain with me. Her sorrow seems to be making my tobacco taste better. Such strange medicine, this girl, this recurring spirit who visits me from the dawn.

The dog-wolf lifts its head and looks at me. Eyes, white as snow.
It sends me a time, a place, a continuum. a book unfolds within me. a name. an invocation.
‘omandae.’

The blind one senses this. He warns us.
“Only +espu can call it into our world…”
I contemplate my cigarette.
“…and only you can call tespu back from Golgotha.”
I blow out my last drag,
K. Kawaii is finally asleep.

day3

day three

charcoal vines replace erotic red lace
guts of organic room tech revealing
snake like from ceiling,
complex, gordion nests
insect symphony, soil on ancient bed, shamanic soot

K K grows, supple, round, like sweet meat buns
the blind one meditates in shadow
+espu, in hell with The Lord

I’m on the shore, mainframe dreaming
lucid gel, petroleum muck, glowing lube
blown from nose
I’m on the shore, darkening
wolf-pup swims out to ark
“the statues are the greater things” Tespu said
“hewn out from hull, an ancestor mountain,
old ones sleep in obsidian tombs, a shipwrecked temple.”

“She did not crash” I remind him
“Yes, yes, they are our settlement, our early fathers from the dark desert.”

“there are no traces of fadre here, though I remember him being present. but it wasn’t night when he stayed awhile. He had been called by name. the sun is still his ally, but I, the son, contemplates the moon.”

the spirit of tespu moves over the waters
elder wolf-kind swims back to shore,
eyes, the lightning of love,
a crooked branch between its fangs

“I had gotten rid of wood painted blue
but here, I’m given the othern bark”

the naked trees bend away from sea
I bend my soul to the ark
the blind one is a bandit in zebra sky
I hunger for the blood of cadre

day2

“mooncakes are too bright
but by its light,
the anteaters shall walk.” – epicus the strange

“my arms and upper body overhang the window
oversighting little street of Goa
mass vegetal smells,
rancid snake oil, ghee, goblin trash,
add to the aroma of wonders
the orbs! the orbs!
such is my mandate” – from the childhood aurora of Benedicto the Latin

“KoreanOK” is done with her singing
opens hello kitty purse for pills
the blind one is taking photos of her
the room is lit by short Roman candles
red lace hang from the ceiling like erotic banners

I am one with the wolf-dog in the meditation room
but I’m also drugged and naked in the dark motel, peering out of slits in curtain, watching the police cruiser park by the coffeeshop. I’m mildly distressed but I know they’re not coming for me. I have my talismans.
The clown mask. The duct tape. The beef jerky wrapper. The hot chocolate mug.

The wild dog shifts it’s weight and I return the worldless place,
the stalagmite kingdom, the room with sea amoebas

Tespu is in the garden with the lord, sweating blood
Korean M.V is sweating on the ancient bed, hands on her bodies
the blind one thinks of the glowing disc on the forehead of madre, minutes before her last breath
the red dog reminds me to build ‘elsewhere’
overhanging window over little Goa street
taking in the scents of hemp and Talmudic preoccupations,
leading anteaters out to sea on an old wooden boat,
in search of the satellite-ark called XOR

day1

“we will darken the wooden wall
with the hypno of piano”
The Lord, Steinway & Sons

it takes time, the dried flowers

to be hung
to be shrouded
to decay
to attain patina

such still life hours

or the framed Victorian wife
golden portrait faded
wood eaten by centuries and lice

six notes from the lords’ thin fingers
opalescent, sinews strained, blackened nails

how I memory blood on ebony
thorns from dead stalk, reveries, ivory
a blind man on an ancient bed
a wolf dog, a young Korean underwear model girlfriend
leaves on heavy beige blankets, winter, stellar conjunctions

“we didn’t know what we were fighting on the mountain.”

“tespu knew, but he also didn’t think so.”

I now know there were taxis waiting outside the wall
that it was late
that I had spilled coffee on the wheelchair
that death feels like all roads home has changed
cupboard doors opened by the winds
her blouse on a hanger, floating in zero G

Tespu reminds me,
“this is not a song for madre”

I know.
I know.
I understand.

the young Korean kitten child mews at me for milk
the blind one on the bed wants fortean cakes
“I don’t know where the knights will lead me.”
The Lords’ hair is wet from rain

the prophetic occurrences of tespu in the current realm of the poet

how curious
these oneiric symbols from years ago, three
patterns in circular
prophetic, alarming, familiar
as if belonging
to my modern nights of sorrow


It is Monsierre Tespu who speaks

evacuees? crying furniture? saying goodbye to mother?
there was something there
there is something here
in the data, rearing its consci
from third world and darknesses,
to this frame of mine
“I have to go.”
I had gone, I had come back,


fadre dies, madre dies
and here I AM

commandeering the body of tespu
not so much glorified
but teeming with strange.memories
a remote voice from beyond the fifth wall,
wearing a new hat
speaking from the stations of S.E.P.T.U
on the day of our sepulchre

being a response to the work on 13 october 2017


collapse in the room of spheres and circles
**
“I find solace in the body of tespu
I take him in the train
ass high like native morphia
his mouth is full of Luna
his head is full of girls from Ho“
__
what is this madre-complex?
voice, trickling in
from remote medical centers
I’m in the upper cylinder room
waiting for the train that runs past
the forest of stomachs
into darkness
into that other third world
i’m in the circular room
cutting off ties with drug dealers
studying the splatter map of cup cakes
destroyed by domestic violence
i’m in the circular room
in the wake of evacuees
young wooden furniture alone and crying
young upright chairs aching for bodies
i have said goodbye to madre-complex
“i have to go” i tell her
“your sun is a forest in a body”
trickling out of first-world
into the familia of darkness
towards remote, orchestral strip malls

An exegesis on the stations of nacht


( VIII to XVI or the final forms)

a series of
or fragments from
experiences in that liminal, oneiric space
of dream debris, or signals rising from
‘periods of a sepulchral life’
that which followed the great conjunction.
:

“the two creatures that gave you life, I have taken from you.” – Baron Samedi, Loa of the dead

‘then the hermit will appear, marking your disappearance’

VIII

“And there were songs, spirited by rain,
that year end coldness, the way
nothing lasts forever.”

There’s a woman on the bus
carrying a dog
she’s a musician
the dog is like a wolf
light in its eyes
wet and loving and sentimental

I touch its face gently
stroke its white fur
Its head, tilted, gazing

The musician nods at me
The bus brings me through these stations
The dog curled in my spirit, she is my wolf medicine
She follows me where I have to be on the eighth night onwards

_

These are the grey worlds,
fog, glaucoma, a sifting through post-life places:
How many are meant to move through here?
I am perhaps a shadow, lit by an occluded sun
a wandering species
like the imps and Chinese boys and strangers, small in stature, that moved through these stations with me, hungry, giving me food, stealing offerings from the dead
they are servants perhaps
from a temporary premise
a ghost-time

IX

The old room is drained of colour
where the children used to play
where the Japanese soldiers died

The priest prepares the white book for me
“Who are you?” He demands
he speaks to a shape behind me
a golem, a totem, fluid and faceless

The priest asks me
if I had come from one of the islands

I recall tanks and trucks stuck in mud
a colourless clay earth
aircraft and smoke overhead

a boy there spoke to me of oxygen
given to a woman
given to mother
we hurry to find her
there is too much wasteland to cover
tents and barracks and airfields far away
something had followed me back from that place
The priest would not open the white book until this wraith is gone

(Twice, the book had appeared
:part I, stanza 3:
:part 9, stanza 2:

Thrice, if one would count the extract of part X or the tenth dream)

“somewhere along vague lost corridors
a magazine like grimoire of torn images
dangle from my hand like shreds”

Editors note: The book(s) would eventually morph into screens, handheld or stored in back tech
Occult devices given to me throughout the stations from slender beings in skin tight suits

They appear as police figures. Disrupting times when I guarded places of death:

“of burial mound
of soil on concrete, beige torn fabric
stretched like a cross
as if growing from dried sand in funereal space”- part X, stanza 2

The way continues,
stations merge, de-form, reveal, re-condition themselves
into modes of narration involving accidents where:

“I’m waiting for an ambulance on darkened city streets
red alert and blackness
a storm like presence”

&

“The accident on the road
unearths the debris
buried beneath the seats
the old woman and young man are not harmed
upright again, the bus continues its journey” – part XIII stanza 1

(Editors note: This exegesis has become fragmented – disembodied from its original structure. A reassessments of its organs, its living quarters, becoming new orders. This genesis develops its own pattern, its own way of birthing meaning.

(I am a shadow, surely, of satellite lights cast across the statue of my death posture)

XI

I follow the long and aged man
smoke emerging from our mouths
a cycle of offering and receiving
mind altered by transcendental air

I do not tend towards the crowd at supermarkets
I divert, but into the hands of Chinese boys
They corner me by the trash can
they lead me astray with false tech
palms open, lying
posing as false powers of justice

The elongated man (who is also a beggar, a man with no home)
says,
“you don’t yet know your way around here”

i’m shown women with soft skirts
i’m sent to the place of food and lanterns

(Poet/Priest note: Perhaps through the stations I consume the food offerings meant for ancestors. Perhaps I am an ancestor. Taking what I need for my quest through this desert, this wilderness, this world of spirits. And I’m making The Way for the one who will come after me. Who was made before me, on that mountain where I entered future lifetimes.)

XII

i’m chasing a place in the city untouched by death
my heart invited to corridors of freedom
I descend from high architecture
I’m given red meat from banquets
sweetness of sacrificial sauces

I remember objects for children from long ago
fields touched by day light and special weather

XIII

I stand on the balcony of a motel corridor
I cannot make out the scene (or city or village or field or sea) before me
a large man stands behind me
I make a gesture of surrender
he is authority or doctor
or one who may arrest me
but I am not taken away

there is a bonfire in the corridor
might be furniture, books,
unknown gordion artefacts burning
the whole mass is levitating

a voice nearly comes from the fire
a voice from another place wants to talk to me

but it doesn’t

( I am to be patient, The Holy Man said through the screen outside these station of Nacht. It is enough now, that you have written all these for the exiles.)

“You are on the outside looking in on me on the inside looking in on me”

XIV

I have no shoes
nothing to clothe my back
I bring no belongings
only a desire to seek her out on the streets
an urgent questing

It is night

I trod quickly but carefully
on grass and rocks and sand
I step over foliage, knowing somehow it hides the vipers pit
I reach black roads and (like that creature in Eden)
I begin to crawl on my belly

I find a long black nail
sticking out from tarmac
I remove it, I don’t think I keep it
I know It shall not puncture my flesh

the red numbers are counting down
the cars might come to crush me
I slither faster
I avoid another black nail
( the poisoned snares are about me O Lord but you are at my Right hand)

I climb into a house

Island boys help me through a window and my existence ends there

I do not go further into the house
I do not find the woman I seek
I am led elsewhere

There are disabled peoples in wheelchairs
led by men and volunteers into a building
I catch up to the front of the throng
I hold glass doors open

We enter cluttered rooms where there are tables with wires and metal and nuts and bolts
Other men emerge, with half eaten burnt bread melting with cheese
There’s chalk on the table and a man I once knew places his bread on the table
I dust off the chalk for him
(Or he does it himself but with my hand)
I’m holding on to what’s inside me
I am finding a way to let it go
I climb monuments on cold but sunlit lands
I climb structures and edifices of stone and granite and changeless time
There are remains of half eaten food in plastic containers
black cake and red meat
I’m nearing a state where
I’ll defecate on this ziggurat

I can see the far fields from here
Green and windy, an open horizon
fluid leaks from my body

XV

It’s getting more pronounced
this searching for the woman, my mother

(I am a man in one realm trying to reach the other)

a girl is plucking pin point scabs from my hairless scalp
black dots removed by fingernails
she is with another man. They sell insurance or watches.
cheap goods sold at luxury prices. False values.

I’m talking with two gay men. The alpha reduces the beta, who goes quiet
the alpha drones on and I drone out, ultimately leaving them in their seats

water leaks from a pipe in the ceiling of a shop
water ruining papers and perishable goods
I’m buying a hot coffee but the man is taking too long
he is making coffee for the customer before me
there is an impatience as he keeps mixing milk into powder into boiling fluid
cakes are toppled over in plastic bags
these bags are not mine, these desserts are not mine
I take on the burden of delivering the lost food

I am diverted from my path to the woman, to mother
She is waiting in a clinic, in her wheel chair

I am burdened with seven to nine paper cups of coffee
It is not my duty to carry these packages, to deliver them
The bag goes missing. I abandon the obligation, I let go of that which is not relevant to my way
There is distress, I am late, the woman in the wheelchair is waiting
I reach the clinic but the pharmacy is on the fifth floor
I take a lift after moving through sections with glass walls
I know this place as the library
The lift is a glass sphere
It moves out of the building, along train tracks raised above the streets
It takes me in the wrong direction
I see an open van parked wrongly on the streets
its produce, spilled onto sidewalks, a woman huddles next to overturned boxes, she looks up at me
I see other people watching me in the sphere going by
I’m speeding along turns, moving forward in this future world (when I long to move upwards)
I’m anxious. mother is waiting. But also she is not.
She is where I want to be, but her journeys end is not yet my destination.
my vehicle is not suited for the world she is in

this is not yet my time

XVI the last station – The Tower

by mid nocturne
a dividing line has been bridged
(a stone in the heart removed by a man behind the rattan screen)
two women in tight black tactical suits prepare handheld stealth tech
devices from the future, from interstellar space

(They are programming someone, or something. They might be living pillars or a species of psyche. I am a stratagem room, they are my officers. Sister systems to my station.)

by mid daylight
I’m passing through the yellow halls of buddhic funeral tents
vacant, uncluttered, cleansed
a woman sits at the head of platform
a place to rest the body ( with no body)
(I am perhaps the body, moving through the last neighbourhood on this quest)
an interconnected tentage leads me to a larger ritual hall on a field.
And there, overhanging this world i’m in
is a great chandelier
like a planet orbiting from above
crystal light forms and diamond sutras
a complex presence, a metaphysical fruit or advanced temple satellite
hovering above me in its silence, its magnitude, its stillness
Its meaning and strangeness and mystery is lost to me
a place of waiting (or a place waiting for me)
yet to be revealed through future stations of night or
the eyes of days that shall see the unseen

Epilogue or editors end stake:

“I cannot be the compass to my own forays
the magnetism from beyond will have to be.”

There had been other instances in the mansions of dream
an outmoded lover carrying a box full of broken walls and ceilings and floors
kissing me with wet lips while I lean away, no longer seeking her hand. “Things have changed.”she said. I have become the bride herself, led to an other altar. My left hand had become black, but healed via ferocious sounds sold to me by a woman. Always a woman, populating, inhabiting, handmaids of creation. My postures in darkness had changed. Symbols and forms redacting. Unconscious gestures that cast away unknown attempts on my life. I wake before day break, and open my lips, emerging from secret tombs, uttering to the pre-dawn light.

forms

I Am a projection, surely
from the city of spirits
a flicker of candle
passed down from ever fire

the enterer of darkened places

I Am flesh, surely
a prism and not a prison
passing through walls
of caves and constellations

surely then, Am I like
an inner door
a gate-like being

an orbital path of eyes
searching skyward